Yes, I Gave Jenn Homework

During the summer, I noticed a book on the shelves in my sister's house called Inspire: What Great Leaders Do by Dr. Lance Secretan.   It called to me to pick it up.  A few days earlier, I'd been in a friendly family discussion about how to best motivate people when my brother in law astutely pointed out that it's not motivation you want to foster —it's inspiration.

This is one of the key points of Dr. Secretan's book — motivation is fear based management.  It ultimately breeds resentment and disillusioned under achievers.  The true goal is to inspire people. The word inspire's origins are Latin meaning, "to breathe in."  Breathe in life, the spirit.  Dr. Secretan teaches us that inspired employees are happy and self directed, do their very best work and ultimately contribute significantly to an organization's morale and bottom line.  Set up your business with the intention of inspiring your employees to be their best selves and great things will happen.  

How do you do it?  By being an inspired leader.  Whether you are the CEO of company or the newbie in the mail room, it's in all of us to inspire those around us.  The book details various methods to do this.

I wish I had read it five years ago when I was at a workplace that had lost its groove and consequently, so had I.

One of the pleasant surprises while reading Dr. Secretan's book was discovering he is Canadian and resides just north of Toronto.  I contacted Dr. Secretan back in October, shared my admiration for his work and also a bit about our story.  He was speaking in Toronto later that month and he was kind enough to make arrangements so I could hear him.

As the final speaker of the day at a marketing conference, Dr. Secretan stole the show.  The passage below is from my notes that afternoon which I later shared with the good Doc:

Once you began your presentation, the energy in the room completely switched.  Suddenly, you were talking about things that truly mattered — how do we create inspiring organizations, what do we really want for our lives? People sat up, they stopped fiddling about on their phones.  I could see your words were affecting them deeply and they wanted to hear more.

The talk focussed on Dr. Secretan's latest book entitled, The Spark, The Flame, The Torch.  This he calls his master work — a re-examination and concise synopsis of his ideas and teachings regarding leadership and living an inspired life.  The title is a touch hyperbolic, I agree, but this is definitely the book to read.   

It's worth picking up simply for the first three reflections (which is what I assigned to Jenn) asking the reader to do some introspective thinking and clarify three things — your destiny, character and calling.  Yes again, a little over the top, but the exercise is designed to help you understand your WHY (destiny), BE (character) and DO (calling).  Call it your WHY-BE-DO statement.  Both Jenn and I did this exercise.  Much of it we'd covered in other conversations, so there wasn't a need to get out the big shovels— we'd already dug a lot of it up.  Dr. Secretan provides some super questions to chew on and help you form your statements.  It was a useful process — we came out with some very clear declarations about what it is we want from our lives.  Call it a grounding activity, creating a reference point to return to when you feel you've lost focus and wandered off into a barren backyard you never intended to enter.  Dr. Secretan uses the term, "Your north star."  Jenn keeps her statements in her wallet.  I have mine on my computer and memorized. And now included here:

WHY I AM HERE:

To help evolve consciousness and bring freedom and bliss to others. 

HOW I WILL BE:

Compassionate, authentic, courageous, positive and joyful in all my interactions.

WHAT I WILL DO:

Uncover life’s secrets and truths and share them with others to help build fulfilling lives.  

I often refer to my statements when I am working on something that feels empty or when deciding whether to move in a new direction.  It is a great guide for internal realignment.  What it doesn't do is tell me where to "point my arrow," so to speak, but it does keep my bow taut and arrow sharp — ready to fly.   

Jenn's WHY-BE-DO you will find in this entry just below.  Definitely worth a read.  

More on Dr. Secretan and his work here.

Support It

After viewing the fabulous travel photos of our friends' recent trip to Turkey, we got to talking (over wine of course!) and the conversation somehow ended up centering around the topic of support.

Specifically: Do you think you know how to support people who are struggling through an emotionally difficult time?

A meaty topic we all set about unpacking it, listening to one another's perspective and experience. Overall the response was, "Yes, I am supportive of others and know how to be supportive".

Then a new consideration evolved: Do you think you know how to accept support from others during your own emotionally difficult times?

It was somewhat of a surprise that all four of us answered "no" to the latter question.

Being sensitive to the needs of others seemed to come second nature to us, but knowing how we like to receive support? That was quite a challenge. It seems that we all tended to want to "work through it on our own".

As we talked it over we were eventually able to identify some aspects of how we each prefer to receive support - concrete offers (let's go grab a bite to eat), not having someone try to "solve" the situation (a good question asker and a good listener), and acknowledgement (without probing).

Why, we wondered, was it such a challenge to identify and even consider receiving support from others when it was so easy for us to identify how we give support? Receiving can be difficult. Especially if you feel that no one can help you but yourself, and especially if you feel you/your issue isn't worthy of the support.

So...do YOU know how you like to receive support when struggling through a difficult time?

Jenn's Homework

Before Keir headed out to visit his parents in Sarnia mid-November, he handed me a book and said, "I've got some homework for you to do".

The book was Dr. Lance Secretan's "The Spark, The Torch, and The Flame".

The homework was to complete the first three reflection exercises.

As Keir and I begin to consolidate our reflections of the year and manifest our intentions for our future it has proven important for us to not just continue to have good conversations but to record the content of our discussions. While we don't always remember to do so, we are getting better at it!

So, the homework...

While there are many examples of the exercises accessible (and many that we have already tried with career counsellors, and in our other readings and explorations), the ones in Dr. Secretan's book are handy in that Keir happens to be in the midst of reading it!

The first exercise was to create a Destiny Statement - a statement about THE PURPOSE or the WHY we are here.

The second exercise was to create a Character Statement - a summarizing statement about how we want to BE in the world.

The third exercise was to create a Calling Statement - a statement about what we will DO to FULFILL the Destiny and Character Statements. Essentially, what our life's work will happen through.

This brought up some really big emotions in me.

For me it was that, although I am a gifted teacher, I am very reluctant to head back into teaching in a traditional way. I have been unable to find a place to teach (traditional or otherwise) that mirrors my beliefs about how education can be. That is not to say that those places aren't out there (we both would like to believe that they indeed are!), it is just that I haven't FOUND them or been LEAD to them yet.

The alternative to finding a place to teach would be to CREATE a place to teach. While that is much more appealing there is a wealth of complications that come with that endeavour and the timing doesn't seem quite right yet. The third option I see as a viable avenue to carry out my life's work is to return to school - most likely to work towards a Doctorate or PhD in Education. That isn't ultimately pulling me forward in enthusiasm either, but it does offer a way to find substantiating "evidence" for teaching in the way I desire.

So... back to the Homework! In the process of transparency, here are my statements:

Destiny/WHY I am Here: To inspire a higher consciousness and encourage the generosity of spirit

Character/HOW I will be: To be a present, optimistic and inspiring presence in the lives of others

Calling Statement/WHAT I will do: To teach, nurture and be curiosity, creativity and presence

Unity

In California, we met some like minded folks with whom we shared a meaning-filled evening round the campfire with. These two shared their own lives turning points with us, their goals for self improvement and understanding, and tidbits of wisdom they had picked up, learned from experience or were in the process of uncovering.

Not considering themselves to be religious people per say, they shared with us how they were surprised to find a spiritual organization that they felt reflected all that they believed in and were working towards.

Being respectful of the responses that talking about organized religion/spirituality can bring up they didn't say much more than that.

Being deeply curious people we were keen to know more though.

They generously shared their experiences with us, and after that we were curious to find out even more. A little internet research revealed their organization in Reno and provided further links that led to the ultimate discovery that, right here in London, Ontario existed an organization under the same umbrella.

We had to check it out.

On a Sunday morning at the beginning of November we joined in a gathering out of sheer interest.

And???

It was a mixed bag.

The space and people were extremely welcoming and the discussion topic for the morning was interesting, touching and relevant to our spiritual pursuits. We felt as though we were off to a promising start, however...

when all was said and done, it just didn't feel like the right fit for us.

"Too much singing maybe?" Keir wondered

"The focus on donations at the end?" I considered

We both struggle with that aspect of "church" and were particularly turned off by the power point slide put up at the end of the service to show how much money is needed to "make the church thrive" compared to how much has been collected over the past month.

Why, we wondered, can't the gathering of like minded people coming together regularly to discuss, share and do/be/build goodness be considered "thriving" already? Why does the focus so often fall on the perceived "needed money" and not the grounding principles?

This seems to be true for many organizations - not just organized religion. From all the reading, researching, talking to people that we've done over these past few years, the overwhelming message has consistently been to "do what you do best - do what you love most - find that and the money that is needed will follow."

So, in the example of the "church" gathering we attended it seemed clear to us that the priorities were wrong. Why is a fancy building, a live band, and a marketing budget ("to tell the community about all the good that we do") considered essential to "thriving"? Isn't the good that the group does done because they believe that it is the right thing/the most helpful way to be present, and be authentic in the world?

If it is truly felt by that community that all those "extras" are needed then there needs to be a rethink, as the focus clearly seems to have shifted from building spirituality to building ego.

The problem however is that if an organization is going to have a "spiritual leader" then, in a first world nation, it goes without saying that the leader will need some sort of payment. That then begets that there will need to be a certain kind of place will need to be built/found, and so on and so forth until the focus becomes money, money and more money.

We wonder: Won't people naturally want to donate money (or time or committment - those should be seen as equally valuable) if it is something they believe deeply in for the good of the universe?

Now, we need to say that we've only visited this organization once and that it may not be a fair representation of that which they hold dear. We also understand that this organization may not be anything like the other organizations that belong to the international association. We will consider returning for another gathering to challenge our perceptions. We also understand that the traditional model for "church" may work well for many people and for many religious organizations. We remain unconvinced as to if it works for us. Still, we continue to be open to the possibility that there is a spiritual organization with which we do fit.

The best spiritual fit we've found so far has come to us in the form of a health/wellness/fitness class - called Conscious Movement. Unfortunately, that class was in Toronto and so we no longer participate in the collective classes. Fortunately, we can still (and do!) practice the teachings in our everyday life! That said, going to the classes is the thing we miss the most about Toronto.

With regards to that Sunday venture though, in the very end the deciding factor for the lack of fit may have been the kids group that finished the gathering. "They way they called them 'unitics'" said Keir, "it just sounds too much like lunatics"

Consolidation station

So, we are in one place for the next while.
A few months in London Ontario, house sitting, dog sitting and looking for temporary work.
While it is not our ideal place to be it will be just fine to reflect on our year and consolidate the thinking that we have spent so much time on:

Why are we here?
How to we want to be?
What do we want to do?


Big questions. Ones that we have chewed over and over and over throughout the year.

After many many discussions and readings we finally feel ready to put our thinking into words.

Stay tuned!