Yes, I Gave Jenn Homework

During the summer, I noticed a book on the shelves in my sister's house called Inspire: What Great Leaders Do by Dr. Lance Secretan.   It called to me to pick it up.  A few days earlier, I'd been in a friendly family discussion about how to best motivate people when my brother in law astutely pointed out that it's not motivation you want to foster —it's inspiration.

This is one of the key points of Dr. Secretan's book — motivation is fear based management.  It ultimately breeds resentment and disillusioned under achievers.  The true goal is to inspire people. The word inspire's origins are Latin meaning, "to breathe in."  Breathe in life, the spirit.  Dr. Secretan teaches us that inspired employees are happy and self directed, do their very best work and ultimately contribute significantly to an organization's morale and bottom line.  Set up your business with the intention of inspiring your employees to be their best selves and great things will happen.  

How do you do it?  By being an inspired leader.  Whether you are the CEO of company or the newbie in the mail room, it's in all of us to inspire those around us.  The book details various methods to do this.

I wish I had read it five years ago when I was at a workplace that had lost its groove and consequently, so had I.

One of the pleasant surprises while reading Dr. Secretan's book was discovering he is Canadian and resides just north of Toronto.  I contacted Dr. Secretan back in October, shared my admiration for his work and also a bit about our story.  He was speaking in Toronto later that month and he was kind enough to make arrangements so I could hear him.

As the final speaker of the day at a marketing conference, Dr. Secretan stole the show.  The passage below is from my notes that afternoon which I later shared with the good Doc:

Once you began your presentation, the energy in the room completely switched.  Suddenly, you were talking about things that truly mattered — how do we create inspiring organizations, what do we really want for our lives? People sat up, they stopped fiddling about on their phones.  I could see your words were affecting them deeply and they wanted to hear more.

The talk focussed on Dr. Secretan's latest book entitled, The Spark, The Flame, The Torch.  This he calls his master work — a re-examination and concise synopsis of his ideas and teachings regarding leadership and living an inspired life.  The title is a touch hyperbolic, I agree, but this is definitely the book to read.   

It's worth picking up simply for the first three reflections (which is what I assigned to Jenn) asking the reader to do some introspective thinking and clarify three things — your destiny, character and calling.  Yes again, a little over the top, but the exercise is designed to help you understand your WHY (destiny), BE (character) and DO (calling).  Call it your WHY-BE-DO statement.  Both Jenn and I did this exercise.  Much of it we'd covered in other conversations, so there wasn't a need to get out the big shovels— we'd already dug a lot of it up.  Dr. Secretan provides some super questions to chew on and help you form your statements.  It was a useful process — we came out with some very clear declarations about what it is we want from our lives.  Call it a grounding activity, creating a reference point to return to when you feel you've lost focus and wandered off into a barren backyard you never intended to enter.  Dr. Secretan uses the term, "Your north star."  Jenn keeps her statements in her wallet.  I have mine on my computer and memorized. And now included here:

WHY I AM HERE:

To help evolve consciousness and bring freedom and bliss to others. 

HOW I WILL BE:

Compassionate, authentic, courageous, positive and joyful in all my interactions.

WHAT I WILL DO:

Uncover life’s secrets and truths and share them with others to help build fulfilling lives.  

I often refer to my statements when I am working on something that feels empty or when deciding whether to move in a new direction.  It is a great guide for internal realignment.  What it doesn't do is tell me where to "point my arrow," so to speak, but it does keep my bow taut and arrow sharp — ready to fly.   

Jenn's WHY-BE-DO you will find in this entry just below.  Definitely worth a read.  

More on Dr. Secretan and his work here.

Support It

After viewing the fabulous travel photos of our friends' recent trip to Turkey, we got to talking (over wine of course!) and the conversation somehow ended up centering around the topic of support.

Specifically: Do you think you know how to support people who are struggling through an emotionally difficult time?

A meaty topic we all set about unpacking it, listening to one another's perspective and experience. Overall the response was, "Yes, I am supportive of others and know how to be supportive".

Then a new consideration evolved: Do you think you know how to accept support from others during your own emotionally difficult times?

It was somewhat of a surprise that all four of us answered "no" to the latter question.

Being sensitive to the needs of others seemed to come second nature to us, but knowing how we like to receive support? That was quite a challenge. It seems that we all tended to want to "work through it on our own".

As we talked it over we were eventually able to identify some aspects of how we each prefer to receive support - concrete offers (let's go grab a bite to eat), not having someone try to "solve" the situation (a good question asker and a good listener), and acknowledgement (without probing).

Why, we wondered, was it such a challenge to identify and even consider receiving support from others when it was so easy for us to identify how we give support? Receiving can be difficult. Especially if you feel that no one can help you but yourself, and especially if you feel you/your issue isn't worthy of the support.

So...do YOU know how you like to receive support when struggling through a difficult time?

Jenn's Homework

Before Keir headed out to visit his parents in Sarnia mid-November, he handed me a book and said, "I've got some homework for you to do".

The book was Dr. Lance Secretan's "The Spark, The Torch, and The Flame".

The homework was to complete the first three reflection exercises.

As Keir and I begin to consolidate our reflections of the year and manifest our intentions for our future it has proven important for us to not just continue to have good conversations but to record the content of our discussions. While we don't always remember to do so, we are getting better at it!

So, the homework...

While there are many examples of the exercises accessible (and many that we have already tried with career counsellors, and in our other readings and explorations), the ones in Dr. Secretan's book are handy in that Keir happens to be in the midst of reading it!

The first exercise was to create a Destiny Statement - a statement about THE PURPOSE or the WHY we are here.

The second exercise was to create a Character Statement - a summarizing statement about how we want to BE in the world.

The third exercise was to create a Calling Statement - a statement about what we will DO to FULFILL the Destiny and Character Statements. Essentially, what our life's work will happen through.

This brought up some really big emotions in me.

For me it was that, although I am a gifted teacher, I am very reluctant to head back into teaching in a traditional way. I have been unable to find a place to teach (traditional or otherwise) that mirrors my beliefs about how education can be. That is not to say that those places aren't out there (we both would like to believe that they indeed are!), it is just that I haven't FOUND them or been LEAD to them yet.

The alternative to finding a place to teach would be to CREATE a place to teach. While that is much more appealing there is a wealth of complications that come with that endeavour and the timing doesn't seem quite right yet. The third option I see as a viable avenue to carry out my life's work is to return to school - most likely to work towards a Doctorate or PhD in Education. That isn't ultimately pulling me forward in enthusiasm either, but it does offer a way to find substantiating "evidence" for teaching in the way I desire.

So... back to the Homework! In the process of transparency, here are my statements:

Destiny/WHY I am Here: To inspire a higher consciousness and encourage the generosity of spirit

Character/HOW I will be: To be a present, optimistic and inspiring presence in the lives of others

Calling Statement/WHAT I will do: To teach, nurture and be curiosity, creativity and presence

Unity

In California, we met some like minded folks with whom we shared a meaning-filled evening round the campfire with. These two shared their own lives turning points with us, their goals for self improvement and understanding, and tidbits of wisdom they had picked up, learned from experience or were in the process of uncovering.

Not considering themselves to be religious people per say, they shared with us how they were surprised to find a spiritual organization that they felt reflected all that they believed in and were working towards.

Being respectful of the responses that talking about organized religion/spirituality can bring up they didn't say much more than that.

Being deeply curious people we were keen to know more though.

They generously shared their experiences with us, and after that we were curious to find out even more. A little internet research revealed their organization in Reno and provided further links that led to the ultimate discovery that, right here in London, Ontario existed an organization under the same umbrella.

We had to check it out.

On a Sunday morning at the beginning of November we joined in a gathering out of sheer interest.

And???

It was a mixed bag.

The space and people were extremely welcoming and the discussion topic for the morning was interesting, touching and relevant to our spiritual pursuits. We felt as though we were off to a promising start, however...

when all was said and done, it just didn't feel like the right fit for us.

"Too much singing maybe?" Keir wondered

"The focus on donations at the end?" I considered

We both struggle with that aspect of "church" and were particularly turned off by the power point slide put up at the end of the service to show how much money is needed to "make the church thrive" compared to how much has been collected over the past month.

Why, we wondered, can't the gathering of like minded people coming together regularly to discuss, share and do/be/build goodness be considered "thriving" already? Why does the focus so often fall on the perceived "needed money" and not the grounding principles?

This seems to be true for many organizations - not just organized religion. From all the reading, researching, talking to people that we've done over these past few years, the overwhelming message has consistently been to "do what you do best - do what you love most - find that and the money that is needed will follow."

So, in the example of the "church" gathering we attended it seemed clear to us that the priorities were wrong. Why is a fancy building, a live band, and a marketing budget ("to tell the community about all the good that we do") considered essential to "thriving"? Isn't the good that the group does done because they believe that it is the right thing/the most helpful way to be present, and be authentic in the world?

If it is truly felt by that community that all those "extras" are needed then there needs to be a rethink, as the focus clearly seems to have shifted from building spirituality to building ego.

The problem however is that if an organization is going to have a "spiritual leader" then, in a first world nation, it goes without saying that the leader will need some sort of payment. That then begets that there will need to be a certain kind of place will need to be built/found, and so on and so forth until the focus becomes money, money and more money.

We wonder: Won't people naturally want to donate money (or time or committment - those should be seen as equally valuable) if it is something they believe deeply in for the good of the universe?

Now, we need to say that we've only visited this organization once and that it may not be a fair representation of that which they hold dear. We also understand that this organization may not be anything like the other organizations that belong to the international association. We will consider returning for another gathering to challenge our perceptions. We also understand that the traditional model for "church" may work well for many people and for many religious organizations. We remain unconvinced as to if it works for us. Still, we continue to be open to the possibility that there is a spiritual organization with which we do fit.

The best spiritual fit we've found so far has come to us in the form of a health/wellness/fitness class - called Conscious Movement. Unfortunately, that class was in Toronto and so we no longer participate in the collective classes. Fortunately, we can still (and do!) practice the teachings in our everyday life! That said, going to the classes is the thing we miss the most about Toronto.

With regards to that Sunday venture though, in the very end the deciding factor for the lack of fit may have been the kids group that finished the gathering. "They way they called them 'unitics'" said Keir, "it just sounds too much like lunatics"

Consolidation station

So, we are in one place for the next while.
A few months in London Ontario, house sitting, dog sitting and looking for temporary work.
While it is not our ideal place to be it will be just fine to reflect on our year and consolidate the thinking that we have spent so much time on:

Why are we here?
How to we want to be?
What do we want to do?


Big questions. Ones that we have chewed over and over and over throughout the year.

After many many discussions and readings we finally feel ready to put our thinking into words.

Stay tuned!

Time To Head Back To LA

It's been a great time in the beach house — the house was great, the views outstanding and both Jenn and I loved being together with Mom, Dad and Sue. It was lots of fun and felt so nice to all be together amongst the wild beauty of the northern California coast. Needless to say, it was a bit emotional saying goodbye.




Okay, we gotta go, peeps! Once on the road, Jenn and I make a beeline back down the coast to Bodega Bay, hoping to pick up some Spud Point Chowder for lunch and our drive through San Fran.

Spuds, unfortunately, is closed so we settle for chowder from Sandpiper, which the guidebook says is EVEN better than Spuds. It's not bad, but it's not Spuds.

All along the coast we are in and out of the mist, but once we start inland, out pops the sun and up goes the temps. It's 24 in Santa Rosa where we merge onto the 101 and begin our push down south, through San Fran and down to LA.

It's fairly straightfoward. We duck around San Fran, across the bay into Oakland and down through San Jose. I consider a pit stop in Cupertino to pay my respects to Steve Jobs, but the detour is longer than we want. I say a silent well wish as we pass by the exit and keep the pedal to the floor. RIP Stevie.

By 4:00 p.m. we are down in Monterey. I really want to do the coastal stretch of road from Monterey down to Hearst Castle, passing by Big Sur. This is another fantastic stretch of road, with high cliffs, rugged shoreline, blue waters, crashing waves. Stunning! Last time, we couldn't do the whole stretch as a section was closed due to a landslide. So, here's our chance to do the whole she-bang... AND camp near Big Sur!

That's the plan anyway. But first, some shots of this drive. It's a photographers dream, especially with the late afternoon light. Monterey and Carmel By The Sea are fogged over, but by the time we get out on the coast road, there's sun and a light, ethereal mist. Beautiful!










Hmm, getting hungry. We're in Big Sur. Where could we stop? How about Nepenthe? The word is the views are pretty great from the restaurant...

Whoa! Who had the vision for this rest stop? Check out the patio view!





It's an amazingly tasty dinner with the sun setting beside us, views of the Big Sur coast and homegrown broccolini.




Not sure exactly what I'm doing here... Kissing the sunset?




Now, if we can just swing a campsite. I'm pumped at the prospect of pitching a tent somewhere along this stretch of road and listening to the crashing waves as we fall asleep.




The universe is watching over us — we're driving now in the dark along the winding roads. Our first campsite option is closed, the second is full. But the third, at Plasket Creek, has one site left — just for us. Woo-hoo!

We set up our tent in the dark and hit the inflatable mattresses, listening to the shoreline and watching the full moon shadows.

The good news about finding a campsite is we can now finish the drive along this stretch of road in the daylight. We are up early and after a quick breakfast, on we go. We gas up in Gorda and then drive more winding cliff side roads which barely seem to be clinging to the hills they are built on. A few more glamour shots...








Crashing waves OVER the road!




Four miles north of Hearst Castle, we encounter an elephant seal colony — another bonus of waiting to do this stretch in the daylight. There are at least a few hundred yearling "pups" and some mighty blubbery juveniles! The sub adults, females, and the massive males won't pull ashore for another month or so. We watch as a few of the juveniles joust with one another knowing their time of being top e-seals will soon be coming to an end!







Next up is the ocean side town of Cayucos which was one of our favorite stops during our first drive through Southern California in the Spring. We are so glad to being coming this way at this time of day because it means...FISH TACOS!!!

SMOKED fish tacos, in fact, from Ruddell's Smokehouse. The very best we've had in California and we get to snorfle them down again.




Yeah, they are as good as we remembered them to be...




And then the big push, 200 miles down into LA. It's hot out, in the 90's. We ride the 101 until Oxnard, then jump onto PCH 1 along the beaches, through Malibu, Santa Monica, Venice Beach and into LA.

We find our hotel by the airport, drop the car and now, we're packing it all up again, ready to board our plane tomorrow. Hopefully, Air Canada won't be on strike (all looks good!)

Misty Monday

We get a good dose of west coast ocean weather on Monday — mist, drizzle and rainy rainy rain. No doom and gloom here though! The cool part is looking out at the sea stacks from the beach house deck and seeing them in all their ghostly glory.











Thanks to the rain we enjoy a quieter day. We light a fire in the fire place, but something is amiss, causing smoke to permeate the big main room. We spend a bit of time with the windows and doors open, trying to air things out.

Susan, Mom, Dad and I drive into town to do a bit of shopping while Jenn stays behind and gets to work on these blogs. We do some exploring, hit the Dolphin gift shop and go into the suerpmarket to stock up on soup and coconut M&M's. Can't get those back at home and they are super tropical yummy!

After lunch, Susan, Jenn and I suit up in our wet gear and take a walk along the Gualala beach. It's really not too bad. The tide is out and we can walk for quite a while along the shore. Susan and I play tag with the big waves and keep on losing, getting wet feet. We see a couple of river muskrats in the Gualala River and catch three big pelicans resting up on the pebbly shore. It's our best close up view of the pellys yet!

Southbound Sunday

With no specific destination in mind (but a few bakery options on hand for whatever route we happened to take!), we set out southbound towards Bodega Bay. Again the fog closed in just outside of town to accompany us. So thick was it that we didn't have to worry too much about Margaret seeing how precipitous the drive is along one of the more sinuous and lofty stretches of Hwy 1!

Through Sea Ranch, Salt Point State Park, Fort Ross State Historic Park the highway rises and twists before dropping down into Jenner. We pulled over to admire the view of the Russian River meeting the Pacific and watch a few kayakers drift along. Suddenly, eagle-eyed Sue noticed what looked to be a pile of driftwood was actually a collection of harbor seals!





After taking turns looking through the binoculars at the seals and getting a wee chill in the fog, the Cafe Aquatica made for the perfect warm-up latte pit stop.



Continuing on, we almost lost Sue to the local surf boys at the Sonoma Coast State Beach.... Actually wait — we almost lost her to the local authorities when she tried to sneak our beach house recycling into the clearly marked "No Household Recycling Please" beach boxes! Can't take the environmental outta the girl it seems!

Keir toured us all through the Alfred Hitchcock filming sites of The Birds around Bodega Bay before we made it to the renowned organic brick-oven bakery - Wild Flour Bakery - in Freestone.








It was a veritable madhouse inside and a line up out the door! Hands were flying to loaves of perfectly shaped sour dough varieties, sticky buns and scones lined up on butcher block counters. Wait — I'm not talking about the Overton hands flying here, either! No squeezing the loaves allowed here!

Thankfully there was a sampling "bar" where the varieties could be tasted free of charge. We elbowed our way out of there with a regular sour dough loaf, a sticky bun and several scones.

Out back of the bakery proved to the perfect picnic spot to enjoy our wares. The Wild Flower Gardens were chock full of lovely looking fruit and veg (no sampling allowed in here though - that said we had to empty out Susan's pockets upon leaving!!).









Here's the happy fam! (Good actors, aren't we?)




We took the incredibly scenic Bohemian Highway (think rolling meadows, followed by hilly vineyards, followed by thick redwood forest) up through the picturesque little town of Occidental, which is described in our book as the "favorite West County town — a haven of artists, back-to-the-landers and counter culturalists."

This time, the fog had cleared and we enjoyed a perfectly sunny drive back along Hwy 1, stopping to savour the rocky coastal views.












In celebration of Canadian Thanksgiving, we made a special dinner — individual mushroom/goat cheese/pine nut phyllo packets, a squash and gruyere tart and steamed lemony broccoli. Note the Bandon-by-the-Sea made cranberry preserve on the phyllo packets! For dessert, Margaret treated us to some homemade rice pudding.








A Thanksgiving feast indeed!

Saturday In Medocino

Today we learned why Gualala is considered to be in "the banana belt" of the North Coast. Leaving the sunny beach house after breakfast, we drove straight into a wall of fog. We could actually see it right offshore looking out the deck. Little did we know it was about 5 miles out of town...waiting to swallow us up!

It made the drive up eerily beautiful as we floated out of the fog and into the sun back and forth for nearly the whole drive. Through Anchor Bay, Point Arena, Manchester (shhh...don't tell Glenn!), Elk and then Mendocino, our destination for the day. It was a fun drive — lots of story telling and laughing.

Wandering the streets of Mendocino never disappoint and everyone stopped in the quaint shops/galleries/museums that were calling to them.











It was the community firefighters open house so the fire trucks did the rounds of the neighbourhood with all the visiting folk and locals waving from the backs of the trucks. Thankfully they set that siren off only a few times! Keir and Jenn were pleased to know they weren't the only ones that confused the siren for a run-for-your-life tsunami alarm!

We timed our picnic just right so as to soak up that warm sun.







On our way back, we ventured up the inland road alongside the Navarro River and through the Navarro Redwood State Park grove. You won't find the gargantuan Redwoods you find further north on the coast, but it is a lovely stand that gives you the sense of just how dense and rain forested it gets — and it's all just a few miles from the coast!

Our final stop for the day was at the Point Arena Lighthouse where we lucked into seeing a group of harbor seals just lounging around (lazy buggers!). By this time the fog had set back in again — we thought for the duration of the day.
















Low and behold though, not 2 miles from the beach house, if the sun didn't reappear. Shining just on our little banana house!

It's Hot Tub Time Machine!

At The Beach House Friday

It is great to be all together in our Gualala Beach House. We had the morning to soak up the gorgeous views and breakfast in the quiet luxury of the home.

Nearby Cook's Beach allowed us to get right down to the water's edge. Brrr...that Pacific is C-O-L-D!














Meeting up with a local on the beach, we get the scoop on a few good places to visit/nosh around the area. Our bright kitchen is a pretty good place too!





Back in town, we checked it all out: the two grocery stores, the Pharmacy (that is also a music store and giftshop), a few little gallery giftshops and then headed inland a touch to check out the Gualala Arts Center.

The Arts Center was getting ready for the big opening of a juried portrait show later that day so we got the official sneak peak (although we were invited back for free apps and wine!).

There was even enough time to venture down to the Gualala Point Regional Park where we walked out to the bluff and were blown away by the gale force winds blustering off the Pacific (alright, maybe "gale force" is a bit extreme... guess we should have heeded the local advice of "walk in the morning to avoid the wind")




Sunset from the Beach House deck!